To: Dan Jones, Editor
"Modern Love" Column
"Sunday Styles" Section
New York Times
Dear Mr. Jones,
We have a few questions we are dying to ask you. Please respond truthfully, with specific details about your life, no fictionalization, in 2000 words or less (final response length will be edited to around 1700 words):
1. If you were a city (with a population of 285,000+), which would you be? Describe your wife visiting you for the first time and falling in love with you. What would be your strengths in seduction? Obstacles?
2. Do you have any pets or plants? A rock collection? Do you love one of the members of the group (pets, plants, rocks, etc.) more than the others? If you love each member equally, do you feel more loved by one than the others? What are your thoughts about potential love imbalances in general?
3. Please describe your work as an editor. Do you have a long-standing ritual: coffee, comfy seat, classical music, number 2 pencil? Or do you carry Modern Love submissions with you all over the city and read them whenever you have the chance - on the subway, on line at Duane Reade, while waiting for your wife at your local dive bar for pomegranate mojitos? Do you talk to the submissions as you read them - "not this again," "yes, tell me about the sounds she made," "who's Karl?" If you could submit a short video clip enacting one of your essay-editing moments, that would be a big help.
Yours truly in admiration and discontent,
LoveNPotatoes & MadlyDeeply